19 Years of Built up Anger
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As if 16 years of school wasn’t enough. (T__T)
SIGH. I am now lost to what I truly want to do. I want need to do something I can wake up doing and loving every moment of it.
Sounds impossible, but I just want to get the fuck out of school already.
Middle school was a blur, high school was a bore, and now college days are where I’m at my most anti social. Great.
I should stop being over confident with myself. It has not benefit me EVER.
Reality is closing in and I’m still going in the wrong direction.
Anonymous asked: are you planning to go see 'the beatles: the lost concert' film?
Yes, I am! I’m just being patient until my semester is over. I want to be able to enjoy it. :)
I’m so tired of hating life, especially now. A good person who had a whole life ahead of him just passed away and he lived a more happy life than I have. I can’t even compare a fraction of my life and happiness to his or anyone else’s. I’m tired of hating my job, school, family (at times), and everyone around me because I’m so passive with everything. I tell myself hang on, it’s worth it! I know it is. BULLSHIT. My happiness is most important and I can’t remember being happy for a whole week. Something, someone, or somehow my day gets ruined because I let it get ruined. After this semester if I pass with flying colors, I’m going to calm the fuck down with my classes. I already calm the fuck down with my hours at work, but I sort of feel bad because we’re short on staff. Why, because so many are on leave. Ahh. I need to start not giving a fuck because when have they gave a fuck about me? When my luck was down, no one gave a flying fuck. Less than 5 people I actually care about are at that place; that says a lot. I’m starting to say more on my mind, especially the people who talk about my weight every time they see me. You tell me not to be defensive every time it’s brought up, but why do you have to bring it up? Like holy shit, I didn’t know I was fat! I thought I was an anorexic twig all this time. -__- Gosh, you don’t see that I’m losing because ALL of you expect me to drop 50 pounds by tomorrow!
A couple days ago, I overheard my sisters and her friends saying, “What if we take all these 300 level courses…..and we just DIE!?” OMFG. It was a funny comment, but I just cracked. What if that exact thing just happens!? All my ambitions, everything I work hard for, all my dreams…. gone. Meaningless.
What do I really want in life? It’s not making millions, getting attention from crowds, or being a dependent leach off my family or someone else’s; it’s having everything I need with the people I love, getting the attention I deserve from the people who truly care about me, taking care of the family I have, and making the people in my life happy.
